How Dating Apps Destroyed Dating

Exposing the Browse-Match-Chat loop — and how to fix it

Why do dating apps so consistently result in wasted time, missed connections, disappointment and even depression?

The answer lies in the basic design structure of the apps themselves, which hasn’t changed significantly in the 25 years since Match.com pioneered it.

The basic structure is:

1. Generate a queue of users who match your preferences.
2. Passively collect your “likes” and “dislikes.”
3. When there is a mutual “like,” dump you into a private chat room with your match.
4. Rinse and repeat.

We call this basic structure the Browse-Match-Chat Loop, and it perpetuates the dating app dysfunction — mindless swiping, dead-end chats, ghosting — that you and your tired, single friends have come to expect.

“The lonely years” 1995–2020

While this model has served app companies well, frustrated daters haven’t been so fortunate.

Below, we detail precisely how that dysfunction unfolds and how new, more thoughtful technologies will help us move beyond…